Sunday, November 13, 2011


starting new can be a difficult task. especially if you're as stuborn as I am. mistakes and regrets still haunt me. change can be a nightmare.

Where do the words hide?
You know, The ones that we can never are able to find in a moment of vulnerability?
When is the right moment to scream out “hey, I'm hurting!” or “my heart is broken!”?
Why is the natural answer to the question, “what can I do to help?” always, “nothing”? Because it's never nothing, there is always something.
We all have moments of weakness, how do we let people know that we need help?
Do we just watch each other fall? Or is there some way to know who needs help?

I have found myself in this situation on numerous occasions. Whether it be me wondering should I lend my hand...or, won't you help me up?

Sometimes, we don't expect things to happen like they do. And sometimes, we are expecting the unexpected, and are ready. Too many times I've been expecting the unexpected, and it still comes unexpectedly.

The only thing in life that doesn't change, is that life changes. Change is the only consistent thing in life. It is the one thing that will always be there, and will never be removed of. There are those who don't take change well at all.

I know all to well.

To not be able to let events go that are in the past, good or bad...

The moments which are stunned in our memories while time continues to surpass us.

Living in the “what was” and not the “what is” or the now, can destroy people. It destroyed someone that I knew very well.

Change means well, but it sure does traumatize the weak in spirit.

Change happens to those who try to rage war against someone or something, to try to settle the disagreement of power, or other circumstance. We always hope for the better change, but it doesn't always come out that way.

And when it doesn't, we are left standing at a crossroad.

Should we use this change to our advantage, and find the meaning behind it?

Or sulk down into the darkness of our failure.

I have been the one to yield to the fever of war against myself, my friends, my family.

Not meaning to cause contention, but to resolve the other circumstances.

how ever, every time the signal of war has been given, I have no control of the contention brought up, tears shed, trusts broken, and lives ruined.

Can it be healthy to remember the “what was” in our lives?

If there ever is a time in life to look back on a first kiss story, or getting your first pair of real Nike basketball would be in dark suppressing moments of life. When you need a glimpse of light to wash out the dye of depression and grief.

What is the “dye” of depression and grief?

Being caught in a lie?

Losing a loved one?

Choosing the easy way out?



Being neglected?

Is it knowing that you have chosen to sulk in your failures instead of rising up to defeat your opponent, who or what ever it maybe...?

I guess the actual “dye”, are the consequences of our bad choices, or the affects of others and their bad choices. The change of pace in life that does not settle with our stomach of emotion.
Now that I ponder on it more...Can it ever be healthy to reflect on the “what was” of our lives?
Or will it just leave us with the bitter taste of regret left in our mouths?
And then darken the dye of depression and grief.

This world we live in thrives on tragedy. It's all you hear on the news.

“another man stabbed and robbed today”

“suicidal teen shoots up local high school”

“old folks home caught on fire”

“gas prices continue to shoot up sky high”

“boy scout lost in the woods for 3 days”

“a jeep roll over in local high school takes one players life”

We get too caught up in the tragedy, that we forget to enjoy reality. To look out into this wide and spacious world, and remind ourselves; there will never be another one of us as individuals. We all play a major roll in life, and bring new cards to the game table. After we're gone, our individual is gone. And there will never be another one...of us.

Voltaire once stated, “Each player must accept the cards life deals him or her: but once they are in hand, he or she must decide how to play the cards in order to win the game.”
“to be or not to be...that is the question, why?” well, when you are given charitable attributes, don't you have to decide if and how you will use them?

All of us have something to share or give to each other.

It's interesting...pondering on the matter...

when have you been in a strangers life without knowing it? How many times have you been in the moment of someones greatest victory?

How many times have you been in their tragedies?

Someone always needs saving in their moment of tragedy. Who will save them?

I realize how random and scrambled this might sound, but isn't that how life is? We get caught up in the moments that we live, and they get so swirled around with our emotions. One second you'll be in the moment where everything is right in the world – You are happy. The next, you're in spiral down fall – miserable.

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