tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-74738625847835650452024-03-19T02:49:02.011-07:00ginger-talecreate yourself how you want to be. help others see what they can be.michellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04349347598108845904noreply@blogger.comBlogger38125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7473862584783565045.post-72913011053760572172016-10-03T00:14:00.000-07:002016-10-03T00:40:31.828-07:00I'm not finished yet<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> My name is Michelle Jensen and I am 23
years old. The past three years have been ones of various up and
downs. My life completely shattered, I worked hard to tape and clue
it back together...only for it to be shattered again. Currently, I am
starting to rebuild myself. I've felt the need to put down in words
where I've been and where I am going spiritually. My goal is to
remind myself that God is good, and the reality of Christ's
Atonement in my life. I'm going to share very personal experiences from my LDS mission. How I had faith after coming home early from my mission, and how I continued my
mission from home. Finally, I will share how easily it is to forget
God, and the struggles I am now facing to regain belief in him. what has been so private for years, I am about to share. Maybe this will help more people than me.</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I was 19 years old when I heard the
news through the grape vine about the historical age change. Elders
could serve at 18, and sisters at 19. I was then working at Redfish
Lake Lodge in the heart of the Sawtooth Mountains in Idaho. A week
before I had a couple phone interviews for Big Sky Ski Resort in
Montana to work in the winter. Only a couple hours before I heard
that the age had changed for missionaries to serve, Big Sky offered
me a job. When I was offered the job, I felt so excited...but I asked
them if I could have a day to decide to take it and I would let them
know. Family and friends who know me, know my love for the outdoors,
especially winter recreation. I thought I was crazy for asking for a day to think about the job. Any other moment, I would have taken the
job in a heartbeat. As soon as I heard that I could now go on a
mission at 19. I knew I had to go. November 2012: Sister Jensen
you're called to serve in the Washington, Spokane mission. Reporting
to the MTC January 30<sup>th</sup> 2013.
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhE96CtJ_m9gOJNB74NHFhNaDYhNLxGuTFVDKbYDndI_g1Ldbn0GNPHAIaMkNHDdebQZp68upsiHvhhtjakTRelnDRmcCLWbjdVAs2DFJmRlwoxbn5i5GWRjo0jKbvvLwCaIlqqUnSwQQF4/s1600/spokane1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="196" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhE96CtJ_m9gOJNB74NHFhNaDYhNLxGuTFVDKbYDndI_g1Ldbn0GNPHAIaMkNHDdebQZp68upsiHvhhtjakTRelnDRmcCLWbjdVAs2DFJmRlwoxbn5i5GWRjo0jKbvvLwCaIlqqUnSwQQF4/s320/spokane1.jpg" width="320" /></span></a><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> The MTC was in my opinion the worst!
From day one, I let my companion know that I was ready to be in
Spokane. 2 ½ weeks later we flew out to the mission. I was
paired up with my companion, and placed in the area of Colville.
While we drove from the stake center in Spokane, I thought. “maybe
the MTC was okay”. I was scared, but so excited to serve. The
people and country of Colville were beautiful. So much faith in one
town! When you drive into town there is a sign that says “Colville's
Churches welcome you”. I had amazing experiences there.
Many members were eager to help us. I was able to gain very special
relationships with them.
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjaZODZqykBeJUi5yYG464K-74_lB2SarsqVl4Nu3ZdyVsQEAYk7R60d0x79cHCzhVgPvyvZ3_SIUURoXlKUkarww4gMFaVt3afGztwsNu3oUygMQEFFlF_k0i3MzV0ltQuH6W44WNWjzGL/s1600/colvillechurches.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjaZODZqykBeJUi5yYG464K-74_lB2SarsqVl4Nu3ZdyVsQEAYk7R60d0x79cHCzhVgPvyvZ3_SIUURoXlKUkarww4gMFaVt3afGztwsNu3oUygMQEFFlF_k0i3MzV0ltQuH6W44WNWjzGL/s200/colvillechurches.jpg" width="150" /></span></a></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">One of my first Sunday's in the
Colville 1<sup>st</sup> ward I introduced myself to one of the young
women, Chiavan. She was happy, and I could feel a strong love of
Christ radiating from her. As my companion and I were leaving the
building, I told her that we should invite that young women to come
teach with us. My trainer, Sister Umphenhour said that the girl was
not a member, and was dating a priest in the ward. She comes every
week with his family. I was shocked. Why was she not baptized? Later
I came to find out that Chiavan's mother was not a huge fan of the
Church. That it was a blessing that she was even allowed to attend
church meetings with her boyfriend and his family. Occasionally, during my time in Colville we would be able to talk to Chiavan about Christ
and the restored gospel, and it would be the highlight of our hard
earned day.
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">12 weeks into my mission, I found
myself having a difficult time. I did not love my area. I did not
enjoy the companion I was now training. I lost desire to eat, I was
becoming quick to anger, and felt tired all the time. More often than
not, I could not feel the spirit guiding my actions. “it's just a
moment” I thought, “I will get over it”. But I didn't, I kept
spiraling down in what I now know is depression. I counseled often
with my mission president, therapist, and mission psychologist. I
kept fighting my demons. We were Teaching more and more lessons each
week. Receiving new contacts, and new investigators all the time. All
the while, working on my own mental health. I worked hard as a
missionary to keep myself healthy. I ran every morning, and I was
also prescribed one hour of exercise on top of that morning work out.
I also kept an anger journal, a gratitude journal, and an everyday
journal. After another few weeks went by, and I was still so
depressed, I decided to try medication.</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Antidepressants...it's very hard to
find the right one. Some people have a positive out come with them.
Others, the drugs have a very negative effect. I was one of the not
so lucky ones. I took an antidepressant, and a sleep aid. I felt like
I was in a fog all the time. I felt like was never really in a
lesson, or conversation. I was there, but I really wasn't there. I
was on the outside looking in. My mind became a very scary place. As
I would be driving my companion and I places, I would have thoughts
of crossing the double yellow line while another car was about to
pass us. But, that would hurt my companion so I didn't. I had many
other thoughts like this one. But, that would be too tragic, or too
messy. I kept telling myself, “it's just a moment, I will get
over it” But I didn't. I didn't like how I felt, who I was, and I
was tired. I felt like God had left me. I often prayed to feel him
near me, but there was a pavilion over head. I could not hear, or
feel him. I kept what I was feeling and thinking private. I put on a
brave face almost everyday. The work wouldn't stop and neither would
I.</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">One night before I started my daily
hour of exercise, I pulled out my refilled prescriptions from their
paper bags. In all prescribed medication there are warning pages, and
that night I decided to read what would happen if I were to take too many pills. I did the same thing with the sleep aid.
The consequences were catastrophic. I put the pills in the cabinet
and thought, “no way”. I left to work out, and it wasn't a good
work out. I got angry that I wasn't able to push through and shut off
my mind. When my companion and I got back to the apartment, I
mentally checked out. I was gone, but still moving and getting ready
for bed. I found myself grabbing a glass of water, and grabbing my
two prescribed medications for sleep and depression and going to the
bathroom. I pulled the caps off, nothing running through my mind. I
took every single pill. Not one left. I brushed my teeth, and went to
bed.
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I woke up nauseous. Fighting through
all the chemicals running through my body. I didn't say a word about
it to my companion. I should be dead, I thought. We went to do some
service at the museum in Colville. There Rose, the woman we were
helping. Said I didn't look very well and my eyes were somewhat
yellow, and I should go lay down. My companion and I went back home,
and I went to bed. I slept for basically two days straight. When I
came to, and I realized that I tried to end my life I broke down and
started to cry. I had been protected, that's all I could figure out. I told my companion what happened. Soon, she was on
the phone with the mission presidents wife. And it went down the
line, til I was told I was going home that night to get well. I was
medically released from the Washington Spokane mission September
2013.
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">9 months I served. 9 months
incomplete. I was not going to give up. I was a missionary, and I
intended to get the help I needed and go back and complete the
remaining 9 months of my mission. I had taken a missionary planner
home with me. When I unpacked, one of the first things I did was
write on a sticky note “your mission isn't finished yet” and
put it on the missionary journal. I put the journal on my desk in
plain sight. I had work to do to get mentally healthy so I could go
back to Spokane. But, God had other things in mind.</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I didn't get cleared to go back and
finish my mission. I didn't understand why depression was so real in
my life. I began to blame God, because I was hurt. I was an excellent
missionary, Why was this in the cards for me? I began to ask why they
sent me home instead of transferring me to serve in the mission
office for a while, closer to therapists, and the mission
psychologist? I was embarrassed talking to people at church about
serving a mission. Especially if they'd ask me how old I was. When I
told them I was 20, I could see them doing the math quickly in their
head. I didn't serve long. I was ashamed.</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">A few months went by, and I accepted
that I wasn't going to be a missionary again. I started living my
life, focusing on what made me happy, running, hiking, and
snowboarding. Slowly I kind of felt normal again. Though, my heart still ached to be serving in Washington. One night I was on Facebook, and
a friend request had been accepted. It was Chiavan. I got excited,
and began to message her to see how she was, and see if she was still
going to church with her boyfriend and family. She seemed well, but
still wasn't baptized. I kept a conversation with her going
constantly. She was getting ready to graduate high school, and move
from Colville to Spokane. I often would ask when she was planning on
getting baptized. She would always reply, very soon. Finally I said
to set a date with the missionaries, and they will help you get
there. One night in my room I messaged and asked what was holding her
back from getting baptized? Chiavan then opened up to me about the
situation at home. Her mom was very much against the church. Chiavan
had to choose getting baptized, or her home and relationship with her
mom. My heart broke, as I read the messages I was getting from my
friend. I was praying to know how to respond to comfort her.
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJQKFSGTXFelZ5TGIgS7HJy9iX3_KNkQv-i0X3E_NwG7WKilqxlc9jrUvRELMnTu66nlo5CrLxm00C4uAjjJMxeuTAFh9d9fZMyx6rkpN5knIBVQnp2LJe-3tqR0_z8sV2UnCfkMOYFrGR/s1600/chiavansbaptism.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJQKFSGTXFelZ5TGIgS7HJy9iX3_KNkQv-i0X3E_NwG7WKilqxlc9jrUvRELMnTu66nlo5CrLxm00C4uAjjJMxeuTAFh9d9fZMyx6rkpN5knIBVQnp2LJe-3tqR0_z8sV2UnCfkMOYFrGR/s200/chiavansbaptism.jpg" width="200" /></span></a></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhU2nqmGvL0oFeJQxko9pZ7z7HC4Xkt5SMDtinyMrxpPSXa75A4b6D23zoK-geQ4a2_xWOPziZNbnjYAQU-kY8jsQNnCcAqbwpwzi3-sjAKGTXHQFVELD_T5i1bz8uM3_bDxtpvAa0DM7Wz/s1600/chiavansendowment.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"></span></a><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> My eyes wandered away from my computer
screen and locked in on the sticky note that was on my dusty
missionary planner. “Your mission isn't over yet”. Inspired I
asked her, “if you could live your dream where would it take you?”
She replied.. “ I would move, and go where there were lots of
people with the same beliefs as me. I would have a good support
group, to help me keep the commandments. I want to go to school, and
do ultrasounds on pregnant moms.” I had the strongest impression of
my life that night. I needed to invite her to be baptized, to move
down to Utah and live with me and my family.</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhU2nqmGvL0oFeJQxko9pZ7z7HC4Xkt5SMDtinyMrxpPSXa75A4b6D23zoK-geQ4a2_xWOPziZNbnjYAQU-kY8jsQNnCcAqbwpwzi3-sjAKGTXHQFVELD_T5i1bz8uM3_bDxtpvAa0DM7Wz/s1600/chiavansendowment.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="154" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhU2nqmGvL0oFeJQxko9pZ7z7HC4Xkt5SMDtinyMrxpPSXa75A4b6D23zoK-geQ4a2_xWOPziZNbnjYAQU-kY8jsQNnCcAqbwpwzi3-sjAKGTXHQFVELD_T5i1bz8uM3_bDxtpvAa0DM7Wz/s200/chiavansendowment.jpg" width="200" /></a><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I told my parents about Chiavan, and
what happened that night. They were on board all the way. So I
invited Chiavan to get baptized, and move down and live with us. And
she did. Six months later, she met her future husband down here.
Another six months, they were married in the Manti temple. Chiavan
was a blessing in my life. She helped me learn much, and she was
brave to follow her faith. She's a hard worker, and is now working
for Valley OB/GYN. My mission was to help her, when she couldn't help
herself. I couldn't do what I did for her as a missionary wearing a black
tag. Being home I was able to do, and teach her more.</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Even though I had just had a year full
of spiritual moments. I started to feel less enjoyment in the little
things, I didn't care for church, I began to be quick to anger, and I
slept a lot. My prayers became less and less, because I didn't feel
God anymore. I began to revert back into a bad depression. I denied
it of course. I stopped going to church because I didn't feel the
spirit working in my life. I knew God was real, but did I? I started
researching church history and found things that weren't in the
actual church history. Things that may have been taken out? I don't
know. Maybe. It got so bad, that I didn't believe any of it. I wrote
a letter, I didn't believe the church was true. It wasn't real. And I
was more agnostic now. Then didn't attend church, pray, or follow
some commandments for ten months. Apathetic, and numb. How quickly
one can forget God, and blow out their faith in Christ.
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I'm on the road back now. I have seen
too many miracles in my own life to deny that there a God. Depression
is real, and it can disable someone spiritually so fast. At least in
my experiences. I have to believe Christ can do for me, what he has
done with so many others. Heal me. I've been lifted up a little, and
slowly feeling strength from Christ. I can do hard things with Him.
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">“He can make us whole no matter what
is broken in us” - Paul V. Johnson</span></div>
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhoyvY2I94054RlCP9OHT99F0obgFLSKScP1zZlyMxqvxbpQLAlIzVf-drNJe-uH7rUKuwyyOgMUgdg5Y6K5veZ2sI1hMR60u1cxA6svRKKj5G9uSGNmFHckIvpfZHeL03YWkCrxyG7PwSL/s1600/jensenlane.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhoyvY2I94054RlCP9OHT99F0obgFLSKScP1zZlyMxqvxbpQLAlIzVf-drNJe-uH7rUKuwyyOgMUgdg5Y6K5veZ2sI1hMR60u1cxA6svRKKj5G9uSGNmFHckIvpfZHeL03YWkCrxyG7PwSL/s320/jensenlane.jpg" width="240" /></span></a></div>
michellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04349347598108845904noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7473862584783565045.post-34120171216584636332015-08-29T22:34:00.002-07:002015-08-29T22:34:25.572-07:00<h1 itemprop="itemreviewed" style="box-sizing: border-box; color: inherit; font-family: inherit; font-size: 23px; font-weight: normal; line-height: 55px; margin: 20px 0px 10px;">
Lost Faith, Broken Soul<div class="visible-xs-inline visible-sm-inline" style="box-sizing: border-box; display: inline !important;">
</div>
</h1>
<div class="poem_body" style="box-sizing: border-box;">
<div style="box-sizing: border-box;">
Bit by bit my soul breaks away</div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box;">
Piece after piece, I feel it decay</div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box;">
<br /></div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box;">
A broken smile, to match my broken heart</div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box;">
The way it bleeds out feels almost like art</div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box;">
<br /></div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box;">
A lonely girl hides deep inside</div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box;">
In only myself can she confide</div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box;">
<br /></div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box;">
Silent screams come out of sorrow</div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box;">
Muted cries for a better tomorrow</div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box;">
<br /></div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box;">
Dear God, why? I'll plead</div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box;">
Why would you leave me in my time of need?</div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box;">
<br /></div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box;">
I lost my faith when my life turned towards hell</div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box;">
If this God is real, he has explanations to tell</div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box;">
<br /></div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box;">
I believe in tomorrow, and the memories of yesterday </div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box;">
I believe in myself, that I won't lead me astray</div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box;">
<br /></div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box;">
The times they are tough, and they're sure to get worse</div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box;">
But I'll keep on fighting until I lie in my hearse</div>
</div>
michellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04349347598108845904noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7473862584783565045.post-82735463527244437552015-08-27T19:40:00.001-07:002015-08-27T19:41:59.613-07:00Did I really just stay up all night?after watching shows and reading books and being drawn into my phone over the course of the night, I looked outside and began to see the sun... 5:00 AM. Did I really just stay up all night? I was pretty disgusted with myself. I can't believe it. I was watching a pointless show on netflix...for a strange reason, I felt sick. at what point did i change and begin make poor decisions? I've been making a lot of bad ones over the course of several months. at what point did I change?<br />
<br />
My thoughts and emotions were running high this morning. reflecting back on how I use to be so established, strong and devoted. now, the only thing I can do is school, work, sleep, eat, repeat. I use to be great in sports, church callings, socially...just, great all around. my desire isn't as it use to be. I'm not sure if it was the fact that I hadn't slept that these thoughts and emotions were coming to the surface, or I was having a moment of clarity, opening my eyes to see that, my daily habits, weren't so beneficial to me, and my happiness. I know, God wants more for me that just school, work, sleep, eat, and repeat like a robot.<br />
<br />
I couldn't handle these feelings. I wanted to get out. I got up and grabbed my hiking shoes, my osprey pack and went out the back door. thankfully we live right on the mountain. I hiked up the hill and cut through my neighbors yard and started my ascend up the mountain. I knew this mountain well. it was my playground as a kid. as I started hiking, the wind tossed the wild grass back and forth. my trail hadn't be used in so long. the shrubs began to over take it. But I continued forward. I thought about the trail, and my hike up the mountain. the un-kept path I was on, was like the path i was taking in life. unsettled and with out proper knowledge of where it went. I could stray. The farther up the steeper it became and the canyon wind was strong this morning. I had to lean into the mountain a bit to stay vertical. the ascend became harder. more than it should have been. The scripture, Helaman 5:12<br />
<br />
"And now, my sons, remember, remember that it is upon the rock of our redeemer, who is christ, the son of god, that ye must build your foundation: that when the devil shall send forth his mighty winds, yea, his shafts in the whirlwind, yea, when all his hail and his mighty storm shall beat upon you, it shall have no power over you to drag you down to the gulf of misery and endless wo because of the rock upon which ye are built, which is a sure foundation, a foundation whereon if men build they cannot fall."<br />
<br />
christ will help us clean up our trails, and make it better than before. no matter how hard life is right now, keep a strong faith in christ and his atonement and things will work out. he is the light and life of the world. follow him. put on your armor of light every day. its a constant battle out there. I often feel like i'm losing my fight. but I have family and friends who are always reminding me, the battle is not lost til you stop fighting. Christ's team is the winning team, stay on it.<br />
<br />
<br />michellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04349347598108845904noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7473862584783565045.post-86976382114457211992015-08-27T19:24:00.001-07:002015-08-27T19:24:28.166-07:00Pressure.<br />
<br />
I feel pressure everywhere.<br />
<br />
There is pressure to walk a fine wire, greased with WD-40. destined to slip and fall and get sliced open on the way down. I'm done feeling like this. I'm jumping off before I start. There's a new road I'm going to embark. I don't know where it is yet or where it's going to lead me. I'll construct it as I go.<br />
<br />
<br />michellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04349347598108845904noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7473862584783565045.post-70546013642703558102014-06-09T00:00:00.000-07:002014-06-09T00:00:59.594-07:00What makes me, Me?Today as I was sitting in church, I began pondering the question. What makes me, me? what makes me "tick" the way I do, what causes me to bend over backwards all the time for everyone, and what makes me even ask this question of what makes me, me?<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
The answer? God.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
God makes me, me. God is the reason I tick the way I do, He's the reason I love what comes my way, and He is the reason I am who I am. God has a body, but his spirit is in me, he's you, and he's in everything around us. He's given me everything so when someone asks me for my help, I know I'm being asked to be the Lord's Hands in that hour. We all have that wonderful ability. To be The Lords hands. to serve others. to love others when no one else is there to love them, to lift them out of darkness, to mourn with them through their sorrows, and to joyfully celebrate with them through their achievements. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
When I was baptized, I took upon myself the name of Christ, to do as he would, to follow him. He is the ultimate example of love. the perfect love. charity. how do we show charity day to day? do we say we are followers or Christ? or do we show that we are followers of Christ? without faith, hope, and charity...there is nothing here for us. no clarity, happiness, or purpose. just confusion and misery. I'm thankful for God, he's creations and me. I'm thankful for his plan, I know Christ atoned for me and you and everyone, so that God's plan would work. without Christ and his atonement, this would all be void. and we would be stuck at death. But God's plan is more brilliant. we will live again, with our families, with our friends, and with our Father in Heaven if we are faithful and hopeful and charitable here. and accept his gospel, His RESTORED gospel. To have faith in Jesus Christ and his Atonement, repent, be baptized by proper authority, to recieve the holy ghost by the laying on of hands, and endure to the end. and we are promised if we endure, we will have eternal life! is this not something worth living for? </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
what makes me, me? what makes me "tick" the way I do? </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
God, and his plan for me. </div>
michellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04349347598108845904noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7473862584783565045.post-63647220737691733002014-05-17T06:34:00.001-07:002014-05-17T06:34:09.588-07:00<h4>
<span style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">This isn't a surprise to most people, and I have known this fact my whole life but never really said, "Hey look, I know this is a fact."...Well, I know for a fact when I'm not caught up in my own world, with my own problems, and my own success, time goes by quicker. and when I'm not caught up in my own world...my own world just happens to be created just to my liking. and when I'm helping someone else with their problems, I find solutions to my own. and when I see a way to help someone succeed, I succeed a little on my own.</span></span><span style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span><br />
<span style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Do unto others as you would have done unto you, they say. </span></span><span style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">The first great commandment is to love the Lord thy God, and the second is like unto it... Love thy neighbor. </span></span><span style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Love thy Enemy, The Savior taught. Give him your coat.</span></span><span style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">And when they smite your cheek, turn the other one.</span></span><span style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Honor thy father and thy mother.</span></span><span style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Keep the sabbath day holy. </span></span><span style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">John 14:15 "If ye love me, keep my commandments"</span></span><span style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span><br />
<span style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">There are many commandments that Heavenly Father has given us. through the scriptures, The Old Testament, The New Testament, Book of Mormon, Doctrine and Covenants, and Pearl of Great Price we can learn what the Lord asks of us. We also have a Prophet on the Earth to day, who is the Mouth piece of the Lord. I know, there is a prophet on the earth today. His name is Thomas S Monson, and every 6 months, I sustain him as such. But how do I know? I know because I asked my Heavenly father in prayer, I studied the scriptures, and I read the book that is the keystone of my religion, The Book of Mormon. I prayed to know if it is true scripture, and guess what? IT IS! since that 531 paged book of scripture is true, then Heavenly Father did call Joseph Smith to be a prophet in 1820! and we have had a living prophet on the earth ever since. Think of it, a "Moses" to deliver us out of bondage. spiritual bondage, in all its severity of degrees. </span></span><span style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span><br />
<span style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Hymn 21 Come, Listen to a Prophet's Voice, Verse 2:</span></span><span style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">"The gloom of sullen darkness spread</span></span><span style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Thru earth's extended space</span></span><span style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Is banished by our living Head, </span></span><span style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">And God has shown his face. </span></span><span style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Thru errring schemes in days now past</span></span><span style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">The world has gone astray;</span></span><span style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Yet Saints of God have found at last </span></span><span style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">The straight and narrow way."</span></span><span style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span><br />
<span style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">The straight and narrow way, involves keeping the commandments of the Lord. and Keeping the commandments takes a lot of effort and even more sacrifice. </span></span><span style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span><br />
<span style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Sacrifice: an act of giving up something valued for the sake of something else regarded as more important or worthy. what is it, that is more important that the Lord has to offer, then the materials of this world? Eternal Life, with our families, in the presence of Heavenly Father. Which is the greatest gift, he can give. However, we must be pure and clean through obedience in order to do so. being disobedient moves us away from Him. There's a ton of commandments, and I will be the first to say I am not perfect! no one is! if we were we wouldn't be here on this earth. The Lord knew, we would mess up.. he provided us, a way to be successful. Central to our Father's plan is Jesus Christ's atonement, which includes Christ's Suffering in the Garden of Gethsemane as well as His suffering and death on the cross. Through the Atonement we can be freed from the burden of our sins and develop faith and strength to face any trial that comes our way. And we can do that through practice. </span></span><span style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span><br />
<span style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">practice keeping the commandments. work a little each day. pray often, serve often, and read the scriptures daily. listen and heed to the prophet's words. be doers of the work not hearers only. ask for forgiveness and also strength, that Christ can give you. I'm not a Christian because I have life all put together, and I'm successful. I'm Christian, because I am flawed, and weak and need a Savior. and through living the Gospel of Jesus Christ, I can be freed from spiritual bondage, and find success while helping others, and that brings true happiness. </span></span><br />
</h4>
michellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04349347598108845904noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7473862584783565045.post-82537435262138184002012-11-21T00:01:00.000-08:002012-11-21T00:01:34.904-08:00"Wonderful, I love you!"Hey everyone! An owner of a cafe in Portland Oregon has inspired this post. The past four days I had a great opportunity to visit a good buddy of mine in Oregon. On Monday, we spend the morning/afternoon in Portland. It was non stop pouring rain out as we walked the streets.We decided to seek shelter and grab a bite to eat at a near by cafe. <div>
<br /></div>
<div>
We walked in, and the owner of the establishment greeted us with a warm smile and sat us down. He took our drink orders, and before he walked away he said, "wonderful! I love you!" to my friend and I. It sort of caught me of guard, but i couldn't help to smile, i wasn't use people randomly saying they loved me. </div>
<div>
After giving us a moment to look over the menu, he came to take our order. after my friend ordered he said with joy, "wonderful, you're beautiful! I love you" he continued to me, I ordered, and again he said "wonderful, I love you! both of you, I love you!" I looked over at my friend who was smiling just as much as I was. The owner then continued to explain why he said I love you...</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
"You see, isn't it such a wonderful feeling to know someone loves you?? It makes you smile. There isn't anything better than to go to bed at night knowing someone loves you. Which I know both of you pretty ladies do...you're parents!" </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I couldn't help but giggle at the silly statement. But sitting there after he said that, I could help but sit and ponder on the statement. "...there isn't anything better than to go to bed at night knowing someone loves you." apart from my parents here on earth, I know that statement is true about my heavenly father. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I know Heavenly Father loves everyone that was on the earth, is on the earth today, and those who have not yet come to earth. He is always here for us, no matter where we are, or what we do. If you struggle with this notion that there is a God, and that he knows you by name, and loves you with all is might (which is a lot) I challenge you to pray, and ask him. He will testify to you with a burning in your heart, an undeniable warmth in your soul that He loves you. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
You see, isn't it such a wonderful feeling to know someone loves you?? It makes you smile. There isn't anything better than to go to bed at night knowing someone loves you. That Heavenly Father loves you :)</div>
michellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04349347598108845904noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7473862584783565045.post-81574858842954750682012-11-14T23:16:00.000-08:002012-11-14T23:16:12.790-08:00God is constantTime is always moving, it passes within seconds. A lot of moments seem to flee from us, when we are planning what is a head of us. Time is what we choose to make of it. Time is constant. Time is stable. Time is fleeting. Time is maturing.<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
In that, I say it's been too long since I've written anything on here. It has almost been 7 months! holy cow! A lot has happened in that time. I could I novel about the 7 months of my life, but for some that would be a bit boring and vague. so I won't. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
God is constant. He is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow. God works in mysterious ways. I can't even comprehend how his mind works. He tries our faith continually. when we fail, he forgives us continually. when we are forgiven, he blesses us continually. It's a cycle that we go through over and over and over. Every time we go through the cycle, if we do so faithfully, and entrust the Lord with our out come, he teaches us something about life, and about his gospel. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
This summer was suppose to be life changing. And it was very life changing. But not how I pictured. What I thought was going to be a wonderful missionary summer, with many opportunities to share the gospel. to share with everyone i was working with this summer, that god loves all man kind, and does not reject anyone from his grace through His son's Atoning sacrifice. to share with them the plan of happiness. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
This summer became a time of trial. Tests of my faith, that I thought I failed...but I didn't. My understanding of the world and what's common in it, grew. I have experienced the world and its complexity, and found it cold and confusing.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
The gospel in its fullest is simple and have found it warm, and enlightening. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints is not just another religion, nor is it an American church. it is a restoration of the fullness of the gospel, the same as was revealed and taught from the beginning. We have one message: through a modern prophet, God has restored knowledge about the plan of salvation which is centered on Christ's Atonement and fulfilled by living the first principles and ordinances of the gospel. which are, Faith in the Lord Jesus Christ, repentance, baptism by immersion for the remission of sin, receiving the Holy Ghost, and enduring to the end</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I love this gospel and the joy and blessings that comes through following Jesus Christ. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
</div>
michellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04349347598108845904noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7473862584783565045.post-33718380878313629362012-04-15T23:09:00.000-07:002012-04-15T23:09:45.259-07:00A little inpirationHey everyone, so i apologize i haven't been posting anything for, forever and a day now. it's been kinda boring. but I am inspired now so lets get to some blogging! <br />
<br />
alrighty, a brief synopsis of what i've up to. making some sweeto new friends, work, and work, and that's about. boring right? who wants to write about that mumbo jumbo. I've been stuck in a rut and its been really depressing. my life started becoming routine, and gray. gay ey? i mean...dumb ey?<br />
<br />
but then i met some super cool new friends, who help me find joy and happiness, and really just remind me why we're all here. a week ago my friends and i went up to the jordan river temple. one of my friends i went with that was her favorite temple and she wanted to go before leaving for school the next week. so we went.<br />
it was so beautiful that day. everything was perfect. the warm weather, the blue sky and the white clouds, i literally could feel the suns rays. everything at the temple was glowing. what a blessing to have gone that day. while we where there we took pictures and walked around the temple. I took one of my friend while she was staring up at the temple. it was inspiring. and i hope if she reads this, she doesn't kill me for sharing this. but i wrote a poem along with the picture i wanted share with everyone. <br />
<br />
Your House <br />
by Michelle Jensen (me) :)<br />
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">Let me draw near unto Your house, oh Lord</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">Allow me in those sacred doors;</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">The world is a dark and scary place</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">I pray, let me into Your embrace;</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">The trials of this life are overwhelming</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">At times I am not sure what I am doing;</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">Let me draw from Your spring of water</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">that I may never thirst, Your daughter;</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">There is a heaven on earth</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">I have been taught since birth;</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">a little girl, each day I'd say</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">I will go inside someday!</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">Its seems so close to me</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">where I stand, Your temple I see;</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">I plan to live worthily</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">for my eternal family. </div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">There is a heaven on earth</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">I have been taught since birth;</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">your little girl, each day I say</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">I will go inside someday!</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</div>michellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04349347598108845904noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7473862584783565045.post-55163388296986489032012-02-27T16:52:00.000-08:002012-02-27T16:52:57.531-08:00the abundant lifeHey ya'll, its been awhile. i'm gonna try to be better at this thing here called a blog. <br />
the last month i have been doing alot of LDS Gospel reading, and i can honestly say its been one of the most challenging, but fortifying things i have done. my testimony is growing from what i read. not only what i read, but what i am applying to my own life. its so amazing to think that changing one tiny thing in your life, can put a hugh spin on the out come. <br />
<br />
i don't really have much to write personally, but i have been reading the book, "press on" by elder b worthlin. and last night i read something that my soul has been searching for, for quite sometime. and i really want to share it, because it is soo good, and anyone can take head to this message. <br />
<br />
"...I want to list a few of the characteristics of the happiest people i know have in common. they are qualities that can transform ordinary existence into a life of abundance.<br />
<br />
"first they drink deeply from living waters<br />
<br />
''the savior taught that, "whosoever drinketh of the water that i shall give him shall never thirst; [for it] shall be in him a well of water springing up into everlasting life" (john 4:13, 14). fully understood and embraced, the gospel of jesus christ heals broken hearts, infuses meaning into lives, binds loved ones together with ties that transend mortality, and brings to life a sublime joy.<br />
"president Lorenzo Snow said, "the lord has not given us the gospel that we may go around mourning all the days of our lives" (Teachings of Lorenzo snow, (61-62). The gospel of Jesus Christ is not a religion of mourning and gloom. the faith of our fathers is one of morning, hope, and joy. it is not a gospel of chains but wings...<br />
"do you seek peace of mind?<br />
"drink deeply of living water.<br />
"do you seek forgiveness? peace? understanding? joy?<br />
"drink deeply of living waters...<br />
"the abundant life is a spiritual life...<br />
"do you wish to partake of this living water and experience that divine well springing up within you to everlasting life? then be not afraid. believe with all your hearts. develop an unshakeable faith in the son of god, and let your hearts reach out in earnest prayer...lay your sins on the altar of sacrifice and forsake them. joyously walk in holiness and in harmony with the commandments.<br />
"drink deeply lo the living waters of the gospel of jesus christ.<br />
<br />
"second, they fill their hearts with love<br />
<br />
"love is at the core of the gospel...we often never know the reach of a simple act of kindness...president gordon b hinckley has said that those who reach out to life and serve others "will come to know a happiness...never known before. heaven knows there are so very, very, very many people in this world who need help. oh, so very, very much. let's get the cankering, selfish attitude out of our lives, my brothers and sisters, and stand a little taller and reach a little higher in the service of others" (liverpool england fireside, 31 august 1995).<br />
<br />
"third, they creat a masterpiece of their lives<br />
<br />
"no matter our age, circumstances, or abilities, each of us can create something remarkable of our life. david saw himself as a shepherd, but the lord saw him as a king. joseph of egypt served as a slave, but the lord saw him as a seer. mormon wore the armor of a soldier, but the lord saw him as a prophet. <br />
"we are sons and daughters of an immortal, loving, and all-powerful father in heaven...every one of us has potential we can scarcely imagine. <br />
"the apostle paul wrote, "eye hath not see, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which god hath prepared for them that love him" (1 cor. 2:9). how is it possible, then, that so many see themselves merely as an old, gray gelding that isn't good for much more than scrap? there is a spark of greatness within everyone of us -- a gift from our loving and eternal heavenly father. what we do with that gift is up to us...<br />
"the abundant life does not come to us packaged and ready-made. it's not something we can order and expect to find delivered with the afternoon mail. it does not come with out hardship or sorrow. it comes through faith, hope, charity, and perseverance. it comes to those who, inspite of hardship and sorrow, understand the words of one writer who said, "in the depth of winter, i finally learned that there was in me an invincible summer" (albert camus, l'ete, 1954, 155-56)....<br />
"who knows of what we are capable if we only try? the abundant life is within our reach if we will drink deeply of living water, fill our hearts with love, and create of our lives a materpiece."michellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04349347598108845904noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7473862584783565045.post-33967361736814539442012-01-25T23:15:00.000-08:002012-01-25T23:15:55.927-08:00the battle withinI've been really struggling putting anything out in words or on paper lately. I guess you could say recent events in my life really haven't been all to splendid. The past month I've really been pondering and stressing about what I really want. and what my desires are. <br />
<br />
In life there are High and low points. I've definitely have been stuck in a low point for awhile, and I've been wondering...do i want to get out of this cycle? or am i comfortable with myself and want to stay where i am now. well to be honest... i really wanted both. but i can't.<br />
<br />
i have been battling myself. like literally have an internal war. <br />
<br />
i know at the end of last Sunday (22nd) i could not make the decision on my own. i had to kneel and pray...which was part of my internal battle.<br />
<br />
tormented was my soul and prideful was my heart to the point where i had to forced myself to read and article that had been referred to me. Ezra Taft Benson, "A mighty Change of Heart," Ensign, Oct. 1989". in there it states "...no one is more anxious to see us change our lives than the Father and the savior." then quotes the verse in Rev. 3:20, "I stand at the door, and knock: if any man hear my voice, and open the door, I will come to him...note that he does not say, I stand at the door and wait for you to knock. He IS CALLING, BECKONING, AND ASK THAT WE SIMPLY OPEN OUR HEARTS AND LET HIM IN." <br />
<br />
That hit me like a power round house kick to the face! (I felt the spirit press that to my heart) <br />
<br />
I pondered on it, however the battle inside my was still full force. I decided to read some of the book "believing Christ" as i read i had to force my mind to focus on the words which my eyes were looking at...when i did, at that moment...i came across the same topic! ...the lord is knocking, he is waiting, and he wants us to open the door so he can heal us!"<br />
<br />
by this time I was in tears. and so exhausted with the battle within that I was losing with myself. twice now the spirit has told me to open up to my savior. I finally decided to pray, but i was having a really hard time finding the floor with my knees. <br />
<br />
So many thoughts flourished my mind. doubts more or less...<br />
i could not replace my stubbornness with submission. Hate and anger and despair entangled my spirit and was suffocating it.<br />
<br />
I have been taught that to be saved or be worthy of grace you must have a broken heart and a contrite spirit. but in that hour i had no broken heart or contrite spirit. just a stubborn and prideful heart. what do i pray for?...do i pray for grace when i don't have the intent to use it? no. pray the words i don't believe? no. <br />
i cannot describe every feeling or thought...<br />
<br />
but in the middle of all this doubt and fear i some how ended up on my knees struggling to start my prayer. after fighting myself and fighting my pity state i opened my mouth, and through my tears, spiritual struggle, and exhaustion, my prayer was simple...<br />
"heavenly father, help me!...help me open up my heart to my savior!...that he can heal me...please help my stubborn soul become submissive. work with me and help build my faith in thy son..."<br />
<br />
puffy eyes, and sore muscles were all that was left from the battle within. <br />
<br />
I knelt at the edge of my bed, and the moment i said amen...my mind stopped reeling. my emotional pain ceased. and i felt the comfort of my savior as if he were literally hugging me. it felt so real. i felt love. and i felt peace. <br />
<br />
though i continue to better myself, and work on my stubbornness. I know the lord is with me and loves me and is pleased that i continue to try and try again. <br />
I know I'm struggling with my desires, but i know if i continue to pray and build my faith, and serve others... my desire to do good and create and become the person i want to be, it'll happen. <br />
<br />
through acts and prayer.michellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04349347598108845904noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7473862584783565045.post-90342972479572236562011-12-30T22:36:00.000-08:002011-12-30T22:36:04.175-08:00The Solution to Resolutionstoday is the day before the day, before the new year... wait, what?<br />
today is the day before new years eve!<br />
what is the 1st thing that pops into my head when someone says new years? RESOLUTIONS! <br />
New year resolutions are great things, they bring some new spunk to the up coming year right? they rekindle the Hope to make a difference in your life. its possible! <br />
i have my list of resolutions as most people do;<br />
<br />
Train for a half marathon in idaho<br />
read from the scriptures everyday<br />
read a talk or message from a general authority every sunday<br />
when i think negative about someone, think of two positive things about them (including myself)<br />
spend more time at the gym (guilty)<br />
cut back off the dr. pepper (this will be the hardest one of them all!)<br />
<br />
If I can do everything on that list, my life will definatley take a turn for the better. <br />
<br />
now, I'm not perfect. unfortunately. so I know that I won't always be running, reading, studying, thinking positive, working out, or drinking water instead of dr. pepper! kind of a bummer. what happens then?..i've messed up. i'm not going to ever achieve that goal. WRONG!<br />
<br />
wise words from Michael Jordan, "<span class="body">If you're trying to achieve, there will be roadblocks. I've had them; everybody has had them. But obstacles don't have to stop you. If you run into a wall, don't turn around and give up. Figure out how to climb it, go through it, or work around it."</span><br />
<br />
the best thing about a new year, is that there are 365 new beginnings. yeah, you messed up on your resolution. so? strive for a better tomorrow! the solution to our failed resolutions is taking advantage of the small new beginnings everyday. recommit every night to what you know will create a life you long after. never get discouraged on your progress. <br />
<br />
every night after my nightly routine, i just lay in my bed with the light on. i think on the day which has now past...what was good, and what was bad. Then I think about what I'll continue to do good, and what I can strive to do better. I turn off the light and say aloud, <br />
<br />
"here's to a better tomorrow"michellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04349347598108845904noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7473862584783565045.post-84225432063386001272011-12-17T23:15:00.000-08:002011-12-17T23:18:28.121-08:00spreading holiday cheer<strong><span style="color: #38761d; font-size: large;">Christmas</span></strong><br />
<br />
<span style="color: #cc0000;">it's a wonderful time of the year. full of giving, good tidings and cheer. it's a season of joy, peace, and love. it's a holiday to celebrate our savior, the Lord Jesus Christ. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: #38761d;">I love Christmas! it's my favorite holiday. but for some reason...I hadn't been getting into the christmas spirit this year like i would have hoped. I had everything crossed off my list. greeting cards, check. presents, check. updated budget...eh, not quite. I was set for christmas. But it did not feel like christmas was a week away. what's up with that? I started wondering why christmas wasn't feeling all that great. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: #cc0000;">I had a relief society christmas lunch with my ward today. the bishops wife spoke, and asked us to remember a christmas that you remember, and what made it so great...</span><br />
Christmas 2005, <span style="color: #38761d;">my family and I traveled up to idaho to spend the holiday with my grandparents. I remember getting a koala bear beanie baby from my grandma Jensen. I loved that beanie baby. I remember this christmas and that beanie baby distinctly because it was the last christmas i ever had with my grandma. she past away two months later.</span> <br />
Christmas 2010, <span style="color: #cc0000;">my family and I traveled up once again to idaho. this time however, we traveled up to our family cabin. we snow shoed into the cabins with all our gear. my dad had a christmas tree lit and it was nice to have family around. the best part about that chirstmas, was walking over to our cabin neighbor maraline who lives up there year round, with some treats and to sing some carols. that was the first time she has had carolers in decades. </span><br />
<span style="color: #38761d;">the bishops wife made an excellent analogy. "its not the places or the gifts that makes the holiday special, but the people."</span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: #cc0000;">i remember christmas '05 because it was the last christmas i enjoyed with my grandma jensen. </span><br />
<span style="color: #cc0000;">christmas '10 was important to me because my family and i brought joy to our friend and neighbor who was alone on christmas. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: #6aa84f;">what you do for others, and what you do with your loved ones make the holiday bright. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: #cc0000;">I am grateful for that lesson from the bishops wife. it really set the tone for me, and got me in the right mind set for christmas. I hope and pray everyone spreads holiday cheer, whether be by word or by action. no one should be left giftless this christmas season. its all about giving of ones self to make another's life seem a bit brighter. i am thankful for jesus christ, and this holiday to celebrate his birth. he is the ultimate symbol of hope. which everyone should feel a bit hopeful this time of year. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: #38761d;">if you are having a hard time feeling the holiday cheer, try giving something away to someone. let me know if you feel the holiday cheer after you have spread it around a bit.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: #cc0000;">merry christmas everybody!</span>michellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04349347598108845904noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7473862584783565045.post-53898734173263156922011-11-28T23:48:00.000-08:002011-11-29T00:01:47.843-08:00In Every step, In Every ChangeDo not be discourgaged if life isn't all you want it to be right now. Don't fret if your plans A, and B have fallen through. don't feel alone, because no one has recognized you today. <br />
have faith, god knows best for you. everything is in the lord's time. so don't be discouraged if life isn't all what it's cracked up to be right now. because heavenly father has great things waiting for you ahead. Don't fret if your plans A and B have failed. because heavenly father's plan C is much better than your plan A or B. And don't feel alone, because heavenly father never leaves your side. <br />
the lord is with us in every step, and every change<br />
I don't know anything that explains it better than the lyrics of the hymn, "be still my soul".<br />
<br />
verse 1:<br />
"Be still; my soul, the lord is on thy side<br />
bear patiently the cross of grief and pain;<br />
leave to your god to order and provide.<br />
in every change god faithful will remain<br />
be still, my soul: your best, your heavenly friend<br />
through throny ways lead to a joyful end."<br />
<br />
heavenly father will help us through whatever comes our way. in every step, in every change, he'll never leave our side.michellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04349347598108845904noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7473862584783565045.post-739950931288842312011-11-25T00:55:00.000-08:002011-11-25T00:57:41.082-08:00what's life without...What's life without some hard times? without hard times, i wouldn't know the easy ones when they came along. what's life with out some failure? without failure i wouldn't recognize my successes. what is life without some pain? without pain i wouldn't understand relief. <br />
<br />
yesterday was thanksgiving, a time to reflect on what you are most grateful for. I had a hard time deciding on what I wanted to highlight this year, because i am a very grateful person for all i have. for the past couple weeks i've been hearing, and reading what my friends and family are thankful for. i have to say that all the people around in my life are truely amazing people. some were thankful for families, warm houses, food in their bellies! some reflected their gratitude towards the savior and his ultimate sacrifice. <br />
<br />
recent events in my life, and also events in my friends life lead me to my decision of what i am thankful for most...as of right now. and i'm going against the grain here.<br />
<br />
<strong><span style="font-size: large;">i'm thankful for hardships</span></strong><br />
<br />
because without messing up in life, and causing pain or discomfort to myself...I wouldn't be able to recognize success, joy, and laughter! i take 2 steps forward, and slide 1 step back alot of the time, but i gotta remember i took one more step forward than i did back. without the trials in my life, i would not become the person heavenly father has planned for me. <br />
<br />
which i guess is number 2 for what i am thankful for. with all my flaws and mess ups, there has to be a way to get up. I'm so thankful for my my brother jesus christ. we have some great teamwork. when i get pushed down, or i cause my own fall i know he is right there waiting for me to reach my hand up to take his hand so he can pull me back up. he knows my pain, and he knows my joys. he knows my weaknesses, and he knows my strengths. every day i thank heavenly father for giving up his son for us, so that we can fail, repent, and continue to press forward and create a life that heavenly father has planned for us. <br />
<br />
i'm thankfulmichellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04349347598108845904noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7473862584783565045.post-29499815214861015812011-11-23T13:58:00.000-08:002011-11-23T13:58:45.825-08:00be the differenceI was listening to my music trying to hear something that would move me into writing something on here because I've started to loose some faith in the words that I've written.<br />
<br />
<div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">I came across the song "with my own two hands" by Jack Johnson and Ben Harper. I'm not going to say much about it because the lyrics speak for themselves. </div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/mRjDBd6tBBY?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">Yes, we make mistakes. </div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">No, we do not have to let our mistakes define us.</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">I am who I am, and I can either run from it, or embrace it. Heavenly father has a plan for all his children. We can help each other succeed in life with our hands. There is always someone out there who know's our pains. We can help each other get through them with direction from heavenly father. When we do that, we can make this world a better place</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">I don't doubt what I write. create yourself how you want to be, then help others see what they can be. </div>michellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04349347598108845904noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7473862584783565045.post-10377177970618244012011-11-13T22:52:00.000-08:002011-11-13T22:52:13.577-08:00changestarting new can be a difficult task. especially if you're as stuborn as I am. mistakes and regrets still haunt me. change can be a nightmare. <br />
<br />
Where do the words hide? <br />
You know, The ones that we can never are able to find in a moment of vulnerability? <br />
When is the right moment to scream out “hey, I'm hurting!” or “my heart is broken!”? <br />
Why is the natural answer to the question, “what can I do to help?” always, “nothing”? Because it's never nothing, there is always something. <br />
We all have moments of weakness, how do we let people know that we need help? <br />
Do we just watch each other fall? Or is there some way to know who needs help? <br />
<br />
I have found myself in this situation on numerous occasions. Whether it be me wondering should I lend my hand...or, won't you help me up? <br />
<br />
Sometimes, we don't expect things to happen like they do. And sometimes, we are expecting the unexpected, and are ready. Too many times I've been expecting the unexpected, and it still comes unexpectedly. <br />
<br />
The only thing in life that doesn't change, is that life changes. Change is the only consistent thing in life. It is the one thing that will always be there, and will never be removed of. There are those who don't take change well at all. <br />
<br />
I know all to well.<br />
<br />
To not be able to let events go that are in the past, good or bad...<br />
<br />
The moments which are stunned in our memories while time continues to surpass us. <br />
<br />
Living in the “what was” and not the “what is” or the now, can destroy people. It destroyed someone that I knew very well.<br />
<br />
Change means well, but it sure does traumatize the weak in spirit. <br />
<br />
Change happens to those who try to rage war against someone or something, to try to settle the disagreement of power, or other circumstance. We always hope for the better change, but it doesn't always come out that way. <br />
<br />
And when it doesn't, we are left standing at a crossroad. <br />
<br />
Should we use this change to our advantage, and find the meaning behind it?<br />
<br />
Or sulk down into the darkness of our failure.<br />
<br />
I have been the one to yield to the fever of war against myself, my friends, my family.<br />
<br />
Not meaning to cause contention, but to resolve the other circumstances. <br />
<br />
how ever, every time the signal of war has been given, I have no control of the contention brought up, tears shed, trusts broken, and lives ruined.<br />
<br />
Can it be healthy to remember the “what was” in our lives?<br />
<br />
If there ever is a time in life to look back on a first kiss story, or getting your first pair of real Nike basketball shoes...it would be in dark suppressing moments of life. When you need a glimpse of light to wash out the dye of depression and grief. <br />
<br />
What is the “dye” of depression and grief?<br />
<br />
Being caught in a lie?<br />
<br />
Losing a loved one?<br />
<br />
Choosing the easy way out?<br />
<br />
Addiction?<br />
<br />
Ignorance?<br />
<br />
Being neglected?<br />
<br />
Is it knowing that you have chosen to sulk in your failures instead of rising up to defeat your opponent, who or what ever it maybe...?<br />
<br />
I guess the actual “dye”, are the consequences of our bad choices, or the affects of others and their bad choices. The change of pace in life that does not settle with our stomach of emotion.<br />
Now that I ponder on it more...Can it ever be healthy to reflect on the “what was” of our lives? <br />
Or will it just leave us with the bitter taste of regret left in our mouths? <br />
And then darken the dye of depression and grief. <br />
<br />
This world we live in thrives on tragedy. It's all you hear on the news.<br />
<br />
“another man stabbed and robbed today”<br />
<br />
“suicidal teen shoots up local high school”<br />
<br />
“old folks home caught on fire”<br />
<br />
“gas prices continue to shoot up sky high”<br />
<br />
“boy scout lost in the woods for 3 days”<br />
<br />
“a jeep roll over in local high school takes one players life”<br />
<br />
We get too caught up in the tragedy, that we forget to enjoy reality. To look out into this wide and spacious world, and remind ourselves; there will never be another one of us as individuals. We all play a major roll in life, and bring new cards to the game table. After we're gone, our individual is gone. And there will never be another one...of us.<br />
<br />
Voltaire once stated, “Each player must accept the cards life deals him or her: but once they are in hand, he or she must decide how to play the cards in order to win the game.”<br />
“to be or not to be...that is the question, why?” well, when you are given charitable attributes, don't you have to decide if and how you will use them?<br />
<br />
All of us have something to share or give to each other. <br />
<br />
It's interesting...pondering on the matter...<br />
<br />
when have you been in a strangers life without knowing it? How many times have you been in the moment of someones greatest victory? <br />
<br />
How many times have you been in their tragedies?<br />
<br />
Someone always needs saving in their moment of tragedy. Who will save them? <br />
<br />
I realize how random and scrambled this might sound, but isn't that how life is? We get caught up in the moments that we live, and they get so swirled around with our emotions. One second you'll be in the moment where everything is right in the world – You are happy. The next, you're in spiral down fall – miserable<span style="font-family: Times New Roman, serif;">.</span>michellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04349347598108845904noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7473862584783565045.post-39178673546251387592011-10-31T22:09:00.000-07:002011-10-31T22:14:16.354-07:00Rhyme or ReasonSuch a good day!...well better anyways. Today I went to work, came home from work...and did nothing. And you know?...It's okay.<br />
<br />
Last night I talked to a really good friend for an hour. I was soo overwhelmed with the idea that I had no plan of action with my life. And you know?...that's okay sometimes. It's okay not to know. I have an idea of a plan...and I would love to pursue it. <br />
I want to coach lacrosse, and I want to work and live up at Redfish Lake in central Idaho.<br />
Both are very plausible. I am very anxious to know if I am able to do so, because I already know I am capable, and highly knowledgeable in both areas. Lacrosse. and Redfish.<br />
<br />
I know my faith is being tested right now. and i recognize Satan is beating at my door harder than ever. I know i have a very important role in this life. I am ready to change. I want to succeed. I know I can do anything that is pleasing to God. I can have the spirit as a constant companion in this life if i have faith and a prayerful relationship with heavenly father. <br />
<br />
I am so blessed to have pain and hardship...that i may have the opportunity to learn and grow from mistakes...also that i have the opportunity to actively use the atonement of my savior Jesus Christ.<br />
<br />
Everyone has rhyme or reason.<br />
people come into our lives for a purpose.<br />
they never come early and they never come late.<br />
<br />
I am grateful for ALL my life's adventures, and I am still young!! I am excited to know what's in store for me next!michellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04349347598108845904noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7473862584783565045.post-24401840678278511962011-10-28T21:57:00.000-07:002011-10-28T22:00:56.537-07:00reaction to actionIt's true...things happen to us that we can control! Maybe a bad day at work. Maybe getting blown off. Possibly getting forced into an argument that you really don't care about. Losing a loved one, or torn relationships. Tragedy surrounds us, and sometimes it is out of our control. Our Reaction to these actions however, is in our control. <br />
<br />
So, You had a bad day at the office did ya. Just remember the only thing that matters is your efforts. give all you can and work efficiently. still have problems? well its not your fault, so you shouldn't have to worry about. our reaction to unfortunate events is what people see as our character. good reactions = good character. bad reactions = bad character. at least in the work field. soo just smile and wave, and put a good show on if you're having a bad day.<br />
<br />
Have you ever been blown off on any occasion? I have! It kinda sucks. ALOT. But!...as much as it might suck to be stuck in that sort of situation, think of your reaction, before you take action. alot of the time we just want to tear into the one who blew us off because they really hurt us...but you have to the ask the question "why?" why did they do that? always consider things from every angle! you don't know what kinda of day they were having..or what they might have gotten roped into at the last second. maybe some tragedy struck them ey?. the best thing to do is find out whats up and then react accordingly. it'll show that you are one heck of a friend. and if they don't see that...that's when you can rip into them. even though you should love everyone and forgive and forget...<br />
<br />
Losing a loved one...every one's gotta die at some point, and eventually it will hit home. Every one's grieving processes is different. I know from experience that the best way to get through the grieving process is to be there for your other loved ones. and do not isolate yourself. isolation never solves anything. unless you're a crazy person...then yeah, it would a bit. <br />
<br />
LOVE SUCKS. unless you're are happily married than congrats you've found true-love. unfortunately there is breaks up and divorce...and its not gonna go away. Just recently I went through a pretty big split. My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and a half. There was lots of history. We both knew it was time to end it. neither of us were happy and we couldn't continue like that. he was soo kind about the break up. and then he went on facebook and commented about how he was soo stoked to be single. and he forgot how much he loved being single. what is up with that? his reaction was kinda crappy. and it tore me apart. but then i have to think...what is this kid going through, that he wants to inflict this kind of emotional pain on me? we have been together for soo long and he said he didn't regret any of it and that it would take FOREVER for him to get over me...really buddy? sounded like you got over me pretty quick. My sister made a good comment to me the other night. "he probably is hurting right now, and he still cares about your feelings and he wants you to hurt like he is...he is probably just wanting a reaction from you."... <br />
Long story short. take the high road in the relationship. because the higher you are, the better your partner will be, because you are looking now for something higher, bigger, and better<br />
<br />
Quentin L Cook spoke in general conference on this very topic. Tragedy. to summarize that all up...<br />
while we don't know why, we do know there is a plan.<br />
<br />
...It is difficult just looking through the lens of mortal life. If we are insightful, and faithful we will receive great blessings. Many of us will go through sever trials. <br />
<br />
1. heavenly father loves us<br />
2. the atonement makes everything right<br />
3. there is eternal life, and there will be reunions with those we have lost, and have gone on before usmichellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04349347598108845904noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7473862584783565045.post-52291245532047575392011-10-24T19:46:00.000-07:002011-10-24T19:46:31.141-07:00fall cabin trip 2011Oct 20th<br />
<br />
What an Adventure, we finally made it to the cabin. It took a couple hours longer but we finally made it. I'm so glad I am up here. the mountains, the air...sigh its so clean and crisp. LOVE IT. even though this is a work trip, I think it's the best vacation ever. <br />
<br />
Oct. 21st <br />
<br />
I'm going to be sore in the morning! today we did lots of work! well we did 1 very hard job. FIREWOOD. we needed to restalk our piles of logs. so we went up 4th of july creek to find fallen timber. it was my brother Dan, my dad, and I. we found some good timber so we cut up a few hugh pines in 6 ft logs, then loaded them up. and boy were they heavy! I say about 125 lbs each if not more. it took all my strength to load those beast up. we ended up making 2 trips, with 2 big loads of logs. Tomorrow we're boing to finish up the pathe from the front of the cabin to the side. I pray that I might I have strenghth for tomorrow...because I will be hurting.<br />
<br />
I haven't gone out to meditate yet this trip. I would really like the opportunity to get away by myself for a moment while we are up here. Gods beauty sorruonds me. I would love the opportunity to draw near to him. I wish I knew my purpose here. and I why my thoughts always go to my brother Phillip who has past away and who I have never met. I'm not crazy to want to know him and constantly think about him...am I?<br />
<br />
I have so many unanswered questions about myself. I guess thats why I am getting a patriarchal blessing in a week. I should go to bed....I gots work to do in the mornin'!<br />
<br />
Oct 22nd<br />
<br />
...In less than 24 hours I'll be back home. This trip as gone by so fast! probably because we worked so hard. I had the opportunity to have a couple moments alone. nothing too great. but I did spend time with my brother and nephew. Family 1st right? they are the most important thing life. <br />
<br />
There are things I struggle with, some days are harder than others. I have truely been trying. I pray heavenly father knows. there is improvement that needs to be done however...I know he loves me with a perfect love. I matter to him.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjf6ldt1oRICtTmHxvKL9gwiaU34vdMqTzKQUc7J7xfhnXhSohxKPnVljjIKZolDdLoG_TJvQEqwDcWWKVmn98FhozM5GwOYTB7bsB8ARAY21_N7JMuGEiEIFlZQQgRQhw8kB9yEwjvEM4V/s1600/salmon+rivier.bmp" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" ida="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjf6ldt1oRICtTmHxvKL9gwiaU34vdMqTzKQUc7J7xfhnXhSohxKPnVljjIKZolDdLoG_TJvQEqwDcWWKVmn98FhozM5GwOYTB7bsB8ARAY21_N7JMuGEiEIFlZQQgRQhw8kB9yEwjvEM4V/s320/salmon+rivier.bmp" width="320" /></a></div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; text-align: center;">We are never done bettering ourselves. I love the cabin and the stillness. It reminds me that we are everything in the eyes of god. Dieter F Uchtdorf spoke on that in general conference, the title of his talk is "You matter to him". In the talk he reminded us that "the man", is nothing. what is man? we are the reason god created the universes. We are everything to God. we have a spark of eternal power. Life is only a small moment. there will always be conflict. Satan appeals to the pride of men. He also works through discouragement. Never get discouraged on your progress! What matters to God is that we are doing the best we can. Spend your life doing good. You matter to him. </div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; text-align: center;">believe in him. do whats right. </div><div align="center"></div>michellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04349347598108845904noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7473862584783565045.post-30375894312414549202011-10-17T23:09:00.000-07:002011-10-17T23:09:41.461-07:00away from the "world's world"<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgXp0VbaiHfnhiRtYVJYoj6Vmfk1jESbd4MGc5rL1FIkYczfdIj9McPLHt9FBOPyWmjzzo9Ju91MJ1mWacEhw2sFXccTPF2Xb1lrdEvDRd5x_RAtXtXIfYqm5m-vlzdCTmGUQbzi2TP7B13/s1600/cabin1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="258" oda="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgXp0VbaiHfnhiRtYVJYoj6Vmfk1jESbd4MGc5rL1FIkYczfdIj9McPLHt9FBOPyWmjzzo9Ju91MJ1mWacEhw2sFXccTPF2Xb1lrdEvDRd5x_RAtXtXIfYqm5m-vlzdCTmGUQbzi2TP7B13/s320/cabin1.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">I know a place where I can go, and I'll find love and peace. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> and I know I am safe from the world</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiukozrdw1dISlShZaIy4WFEG-6qFacdnrhdjkynAUdE3Rl_XjNsifIOqRmJ1KaFukyyFvIsi8uqyGSYQOYRuFmg7ImPzqHHjVjBqdgduj_i5Qysxz1l8tq-lJ4mFGFJwPKIamelgo4Xzld/s1600/cabin2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="211" oda="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiukozrdw1dISlShZaIy4WFEG-6qFacdnrhdjkynAUdE3Rl_XjNsifIOqRmJ1KaFukyyFvIsi8uqyGSYQOYRuFmg7ImPzqHHjVjBqdgduj_i5Qysxz1l8tq-lJ4mFGFJwPKIamelgo4Xzld/s320/cabin2.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">Where family and friends surround me.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">And there is no question what is important in life. </div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjNW0ViG-LkB8PjxQ0dBs6NVqAQ9cXu9fvkMSy_z5eTIXnOAyza0DDEGeg-vednJZhj5isE2aa7r4kYdW-sUhkqL1b3p_pTI8ymT8JOdHzd-qqibIKBI3oOF0O6y9PvQD2uJDorq3ZXn4sW/s1600/cabin5.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" oda="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjNW0ViG-LkB8PjxQ0dBs6NVqAQ9cXu9fvkMSy_z5eTIXnOAyza0DDEGeg-vednJZhj5isE2aa7r4kYdW-sUhkqL1b3p_pTI8ymT8JOdHzd-qqibIKBI3oOF0O6y9PvQD2uJDorq3ZXn4sW/s320/cabin5.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">The family cabin</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">The home away from home</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhl6QWaUsfPadeIEybH1bx0MrjOJ5qFQgJqa5Jbc1sMcwzNkqJXw3MZ90IoCNZD7iDOs3VeSQneddv_hpa1EeSCJs61CFux4yVCSWkaDisY110-758mFyGOLaOzQ1XoXgT9mQ6owMC9OGdT/s1600/cabin4.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" oda="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhl6QWaUsfPadeIEybH1bx0MrjOJ5qFQgJqa5Jbc1sMcwzNkqJXw3MZ90IoCNZD7iDOs3VeSQneddv_hpa1EeSCJs61CFux4yVCSWkaDisY110-758mFyGOLaOzQ1XoXgT9mQ6owMC9OGdT/s320/cabin4.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">Surrounded by Heavenly fathers masterpieces,</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">I know that I am loved by him. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjiEkrDuSOgNkQdMmxCpGuM-83s5ifFe5MKioUZ246u6AI2p4RK3AUcnIx8O_v9onBg5q3C10JUBiwlH4GoE26dvioRoTI9CqXKHwNuuA867aflvD8HpHjXca_Rrkzx1G5nO3_44y7MDEgF/s1600/cabin8.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" oda="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjiEkrDuSOgNkQdMmxCpGuM-83s5ifFe5MKioUZ246u6AI2p4RK3AUcnIx8O_v9onBg5q3C10JUBiwlH4GoE26dvioRoTI9CqXKHwNuuA867aflvD8HpHjXca_Rrkzx1G5nO3_44y7MDEgF/s320/cabin8.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">by the cabins are amazing lakes where you can</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">clear your mind, and feel at peace. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">the weight of the world is getting heavier and heavier...</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">that's why we need an outlet.</div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFyFPlhF4BZtKuSVMbbYs7ysBDbi7EMomv6hgJ7fKg-1b1EWFnBpLSsHhWSPNNKHvAOj1aP9NvoQT4X9UNblohfySyA4jHZoif6F5GFOIwPp3br9I9W4hDgTNrbYEMWpvMWEB76WGwcVKZ/s1600/cabin6.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" oda="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFyFPlhF4BZtKuSVMbbYs7ysBDbi7EMomv6hgJ7fKg-1b1EWFnBpLSsHhWSPNNKHvAOj1aP9NvoQT4X9UNblohfySyA4jHZoif6F5GFOIwPp3br9I9W4hDgTNrbYEMWpvMWEB76WGwcVKZ/s320/cabin6.jpg" width="244" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">small and simple things, makes for a great life</div><br />
<div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpZLWf6AjBNfMEgxU6xmFe_SEMTgKX0gPNErhslp9GupHKyPRedhJcVkmHloAcJTvRjm2JrQuh1rTKBj3FVSNgzzt2JsH0qoldlOB7juUzpJhSJIy97iLRSjX4eIiy86uHRFa_JLPqLtWU/s1600/cabin3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" oda="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpZLWf6AjBNfMEgxU6xmFe_SEMTgKX0gPNErhslp9GupHKyPRedhJcVkmHloAcJTvRjm2JrQuh1rTKBj3FVSNgzzt2JsH0qoldlOB7juUzpJhSJIy97iLRSjX4eIiy86uHRFa_JLPqLtWU/s320/cabin3.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">I love the cabins, the mountains, the lakes, and of course the family. It's refreshing to get out of the world's world, and step into heavenly fathers world every once and awhile. </div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"></div>michellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04349347598108845904noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7473862584783565045.post-66879090372135500692011-10-11T17:43:00.000-07:002011-10-11T17:43:53.740-07:00ServiceI just read the talk given by Jose L Alsonso during General Conference. Boy it was a good one, it got me thinking about how I am doing helping me fellow men. I just wanted to summarize his talk, because it was just sooo good!<br />
<br />
Happiness is found through following Christ. Jesus is the ultimate example of service. We all have opportunities to serve. Many ask, what can we do to help? when is the right time? Jose L Alsonso simple stated, SIMPLY ACT. people don't care what we do, all they need is our determination. To know what to do and who to serve, pray to heavenly father for preparation. The Saviors love is for all! But he never forgets the "one". The Lord expects our devotion.<br />
<br />
I really needed that talk at that moment. I've been getting too caught up in myself, and things for me that my attitude as been really crappy. I know that when we are serving, we are the happiest. I'm going to make it my goal to think less of me this week and more on others.<br />
<br />
"Do the Right thing, At the right time, without delay!"michellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04349347598108845904noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7473862584783565045.post-33744589254228459072011-10-04T23:14:00.000-07:002011-10-04T23:14:57.480-07:00song of the heartYou know how there's always a song that hits home? A song that really gets down in your soul? I got mine.<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/eOOFAaUGfRE?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div>michellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04349347598108845904noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7473862584783565045.post-67160935903269589312011-10-03T23:03:00.000-07:002011-10-03T23:03:30.117-07:00my simple prayerTonight I kneel beside my bed <br />
Asking for thy loving care <br />
For thy arms to be around me <br />
As I stuggle through my prayers. <br />
<br />
A young woman striving for excellence <br />
But not seeming to get very far <br />
Is sitting here alone tonight <br />
Just trying to figure out her heart. <br />
<br />
Heavenly father, where am I going?<br />
And where will I end up? <br />
I need thee more than ever <br />
To carry me in thy arms of love. <br />
<br />
At times all I see is darkness <br />
Those times I am not sure where to turn <br />
I end up down here on my knees <br />
And once again I feel that return. <br />
<br />
And when that light fades a little <br />
I'll come to you once more. <br />
And know with a second thought <br />
That you'll always be the cure.michellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04349347598108845904noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7473862584783565045.post-25261754924421577842011-09-30T19:46:00.000-07:002011-09-30T20:56:05.483-07:00Attitude...<em>I really wanted to blog about today</em>, but when I start typing...words are few and far. I've probably have used the back space button more times on this post then anything I have ever written. <br />
<br />
I know that people can change...I know, because I changed. All it is, is attitude.<br />
<br />
Stop saying the "I can't" phrase, because that is a lie. <br />
Stop saying, "It's too late", because that is a lie<br />
Stop saying, "why? I'm already bound for hell", because that is a lie.<br />
Stop saying, "how can someone who has done so much wrong change". because THAT is a lie<br />
Just stop. <br />
All it is, is your attitude. <br />
<br />
I had that attitude for a really really long time. I lost a lot of things because of it. I was losing more than I was gaining. I got to a point where there was nothing else to lose so I decided to change my attitude and gain a little bit.<br />
...That little bit started with a simple prayer. which in return I got a settled mind.<br />
...That settled mind became organized, which helped me throw out the bad in my life. <br />
...Throwing out the bad in my life, led me to the fact that I could be happy with out all the mess, which gave me simplicity.<br />
...That simplicity gave me the courage to act. <br />
...That courage to act, lead me to more prayers, and repentance<br />
...That repentance, lead me to the fact that God loves all men, and gave me the testimony of Jesus Christ, and the power of the atonement. <br />
...That testimony of Christ lead me to have a desire to do all I could to be worthy to live with him again.<br />
...And that desire to want to live worthly with god again...helped me become worthy to get a temple recommend for baptisms for the dead.<br />
...Which is what I did today with one of my best friends who has been there for the troubled me, and the me I am today, She has definately been one of the biggest influences on my attitude. Never in my entire life has my soul felt so at peace, and accomplished. <br />
...and to think now, I wonder what took me so long to have a change of heart. <br />
All it was, was attitude.<br />
<br />
How's your attitude?michellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04349347598108845904noreply@blogger.com0